


#king shit

by goomyfish



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's
Genre: Gen, Influencer AU, Streamer AU, Youtuber AU, god i dont know how to tag anything, i cannot believe im doing this, influencer jack atlas, jokefic, more characters will be added as they appear - Freeform, poggers, rated T for cussing and uhhh prob violence eventually. this can only end well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24249394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goomyfish/pseuds/goomyfish
Summary: It's no secret that Jack Atlas can't hold a job. Bruno suggests the one thing that Jack might be good at doing from the comfort of their garage.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 14





	1. the perfect career

**Author's Note:**

> i literally cannot believe i'm writing this. it all started with this tweet: https://twitter.com/handlesscombos/status/1261579131826794496 and spiraled from there. now i have all of this deep lore about... just go ahead and read it. i'm sorry in advance

“Listen, Jack—if you can’t get a job anywhere else, there’s gotta be something you can do from home!”

“Pardon me?” Jack sips his tea. “I _have_ done work from home. I built a table.”

“Yeah? You mean that janky-ass table that fell apart after ten minutes?!”

Yusei closes his eyes and sighs through his nose. At this point Jack and Crow have been gnashing teeth at each other for about ten minutes. That’s ten minutes too many. He debates lifting his hands from the keyboard and swiveling around in his chair and asking them to keep it down and so on and so on, but there’d be no point in that. Jack would only get more defensive if Yusei jumped into the fray (whether he intended to or not) and the ouroboros of clownery would continue. Bruno pauses while he’s typing and glances at Yusei, then at the two buffoons having at it.

“Ah,” Bruno smiles sheepishly, raising his hand halfway. “Could I make a suggestion? It might be helpf-”

“Absolutely not.”

“Ignore Jack, just go ahead Bruno,” Crow folds his arms, smiling. “Shoot.”

“Mhm!” Bruno nods and opens a web browser. Yusei peers over his shoulder, quietly intrigued. “The last time I was there, I chatted with the cashier at the corner store. She told me she’s an ‘Influencer’.”

“A what, now?” Sidling on over to the monitor, Crow raises a brow. “That sounds a little weird. What’s she influencing, exactly? You? Us?”

Bruno shakes his head, laughing a little. “It’s nothing like mind control or blackmail or anything like that, I’m positive. It’s this.” 

When he points at the screen, Yusei, Crow, and even Jack lean in closer to look. Footage of a complex strategy warfare game plays, and in the top right corner, the face of the friendly cashier. “Okay lemme aggro this guy, I’m tanking- oh crap no, no, not the healer!” She squeals as some hulking soldier in chains and a loincloth lumbers toward a priest. “Leave him alone!” Between her shouting and the game running and the colorful neon raspberry and gold graphics that say “SUBSCRIBE” and “DONATIONS: 500¥!”, all three boys squint and struggle to process what they’re seeing.

“She’s playing video games for an audience? Sounds more like a streamer than whatever an ‘influencer’ is.” Crow raises a brow before he spots the donations graphic. “Thumbnail says she’s been live for about an hour… and she’s made a little cash. Huh.”

“All the tournament duels we participate in are streamed live,” Yusei says, still watching. “It makes sense that other games would be, too.”

“Pff, man, then how come they don’t pay us for entertaining everybody? Cheap bastards. Wish I could get paid to sit around gaming.”

“You might be able to, Crow. She told me that Fridays are one of the best nights to stream, because people are excited to spend their paychecks over the weekend.” Bruno smiles. Yusei’s not sure if he realizes how exploitative that sounds, but it’s not relevant enough to ask. “She told me she made 10,000 yen in a single night, last month! Her channel is growing quickly. I’m happy for her- but, ah, Jack,” he chances, making eye contact as long as he can before he’s sure he’ll get punched in the nose. “Influencers are people with a strong cultural presence on the internet. You already have a following. If you became a streamer, I think you would make a respectable income. And you wouldn’t need to worry about being fi- let go.”

“Hmph,” Jack continues to squint at the screen. “Ridiculous. How does one guarantee consistency in profits? She could make 10,000 yen one night, and zero the next. It’s hardly sustainable.”

“It’s a risk that all performers take, Jack.” When Yusei chimes in, he has everyone’s full attention. “You’re an entertainer at heart. You still have fans relying on you. You’re an inspiration to all of Neo Domino City, even if you’re no longer the King.”

“Don’t patronize me,” Jack turns up his nose and averts his eyes. “I will look into this when my schedule affords me free time.”

“What _schedule?”_ Crow scoffs. “You don’t even have a job! Unless busting every engine we make in here counts-”

“I don’t believe anyone asked for your opinion, Crow!”

Off they go again. Yusei looks at Bruno with a tired smile, and pats the back of his hand. “Thanks. You tried.”

“Hmm,” Bruno sighs. “Well, if that doesn’t work, the cashier also mentioned she had an online store of easy DIY products.”

“Like what?”

“Well...” 

Bruno whispers into his ear, and Yusei blinks.


	2. do it for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huge thanks to my buddy marcus who created a very cursed, very poggers illustration for this fic! check him out here: https://twitter.com/Strudel_lewds

“A streamer, huh?”

“Yep. He’s really into it, actually,” Crow yawns, leaning back in the cushy chair in the stairwell over the garage. His laptop rests on his knees, where Kiryu is phoning in from the desert boonies. “At least he’s getting a job. Kinda. He paid some big time artist to make him an icon and emojis, so he’s gotta make that back. The artist suggested this one, lemme send it,” he snorts and taps the enter key. "Said it's standard for most popular streamers to have one. It's some ancient crusty internet meme, I think? Still kickin'."

"Huh. Whatever it is, it's nightmare fuel."

"Right? That's what I said."

“Welp," Kiryu leans forward, resting an elbow on the kitchen table. "I'm not surprised he's going all-out. Jack doesn’t half-ass anything. If he’s going to be an ‘influencer’, he’ll have to commit,” he chuckles. “Has he tried selling his bath water yet? I hear some people will shell out for that kind of thing.”

“I can hear you two!” Jack shouts from the garage, his voice reaching over the sound of Crow’s teary-eyed hysterical laughter. “I will do no such thing!”

“It’s good money, Jack,” Kiryu calls, taking a swig of root beer from an amber glass bottle. “Don’t see the issue.”

“Yeah, Jack,” Crow wheezes. “That’s not very poggers of you-”

For the first time in what feels like years, Crow sees Kiryu shoot soda out his nose and burst into teary-eyed laughter. It's a little hoarse from years of chain smoking too young, but it's almost sweeter that way, Crow thinks—knowing they all made it out of their childhood in one piece, messy or not, feels like a victory.

West scurries into the frame and waves at Crow excitedly. Kiryu ruffles his hair and gets it together. The kids don't need to hear about the ethics of gamer boy bathwater. “Hey Uncle Crow!”

“Hey kiddo,” Crow wipes the snot off his nose from cry-laughing. “Do you like streamers? Your Uncle Jack is an epic ga- he’s,” he can’t, “he’s gonna play, uh, video games. Online. Jack, what’s your channel name?”

“I will be holding a contest and taking suggestions from my fans to bolster engagement.”

“How are people gonna find your channel then, genius?”

“Fine. I’ll think of something temporary,” Jack grunts. “Let me send West a direct link, for now.”

“Thanks, Uncle Jack! I’ll watch every day! Oh, and maybe we can play together?!” West hops up and down and ends up crawling into Kiryu’s lap so he can see better. He waves his hands back and forth. “Do you have Super Noble Knight Brothers Online? It’s really good, my sister is better at it than me but it’s so good, and I can teach you how to play, and they just released a bunch of new character DLCs like for Synchro Monsters, and, yeah!”

“Very well. I’ll try my hand at your game. I will purchase it tonight,” he turns in his chair and flashes a thumbs-up. Crow resists the urge to neg him (with what money?). “What are knights without a King to guide them?”

“Oho, you should say those cool lines on your channel! Everybody will love it. I’ll give you some advice on how to be cool online, too.”

“I see. I look forward to your counsel, my loyal advisor.”

“You got it, Your Highness!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may not have made it clear enough, but the "DIY" suggestion bruno whispered to yusei is what only kiryu is shameless enough to suggest out loud in this chapter. gamer boy bathwater, anyone?


	3. tilted

This first Friday night so far is not, in fact, very poggers.

The obstacles of taking on this career are greater than they seem. Making the account was a tedious amount of digital paperwork, and adding insult to injury, the usernames "JackAtlas" and “KingJackAtlas” were already taken. So was the lowercase version. By whom?! He’ll have to hunt down whoever stole his identity (again!) and give them what for. He settles for “KingOfStreamJackAtlas”. It’s a tad long, but that just might work—imposing, bold, assertive in its length and capitalizations. Befitting for a man of his stature. Sated for the time being, he smirks and proceeds to customize his channel with the proper icon, header, and emojis.

Getting the blasted technology to obey him is another matter entirely. Yusei eventually swoops in to do it because he's "making too much noise" (Jack could easily have managed it himself, but forcing his rival to undergo this trial is much more satisfying). Once it all works, he decides to peer into another user’s channel and gather information. 

What he sees is nigh incomprehensible.

What in the hell does any of this mean?

After twenty nauseating minutes wasted trying to follow the chat, Jack inhales and decides to focus on his own efforts. He loads his copy of Super Noble Knight Brothers Online (SNKB) and begins the stream. Tonight he sees no need to integrate the “facecam” portion; next week, perhaps, he’ll make sure to get that set up. For now, he must familiarize himself with the functions of the site. And, of course, with the game. If he’s unprepared in front of Nico and West, that won’t do. What kind of role model would he be? On the main menu, he quickly selects the best option. 

Why bother fighting if not “For Glory”?

The first half hour is miserably quiet. At the very least, he’s made some progress on the controls. Lots of flicking the joysticks of his custom controller (he’ll have to make that money back later), lots of cursing under his breath. Eventually there’s a small notification blip as someone enters the chat. Then another. A few more. It’s a humble crowd of about ten users that have flocked in seemingly from nowhere, and they all start posting that unintelligible drivel at once. It seems to escalate when he flubs the distance between his character and a gold platform, plummeting into oblivion.

It’s all unintelligible, save for one line.

He sets down his controller, inhales through his nose, and quickly starts typing.

> 👑 _What are you implying?_
> 
> _that ur not him?? lol_
> 
> 👑 _I AM Jack Atlas._
> 
> _k_
> 
> 👑 _Are you dense? My user handle clearly states my name._
> 
> _damn mine too bro im the real shrek_
> 
> _dude why would u even wanna be jack atlas hes crusty_
> 
> _old news_
> 
> _prob has herpes_
> 
> _weak dick meat_

Jack growls, snarling as he types faster, the keys clacking at the mercy of his furious gamer fingertips. What do these idiots know about him? About his struggle to find a single viable career in a city full of good-for-nothing employers? Nothing! The more they reply the more he must respond to prove them wrong. If only he had gotten that damned facecam working tonight! 

The number of viewers in the chat continues to increase. In Jack’s righteous fury, he doesn’t notice or care.

_“Enough!”_

His fist slams onto the counter. The computer screen turns blue and starts firing off lines of white text. Blasted thing. Jack huffs, catching his breath and storming off to his room. Yusei jumps upright from the cot in the corner of the garage and when he runs over, Jack shoves him with an open palm so he falls flat on his ass. “Don’t speak to me!”

Next week, he tells himself, seething. 

Next week, they will come to regret their words and deeds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was literally in tears laughing as i tried to write this


End file.
